I had a really rough day. I've been crying a lot this week and just when I thought things were getting better, the big one hit. So I cried until I really just had tears falling off my face.... past the point of knowing or caring what great sadness pricked me to begin with. All I could wonder was WHY do we cry? Why do my eyes drip drop when I'm emotional? Wouldn't you like to know, Bono? Here's what I learned: according to a paper by Wendy Nortlund, "When emotions affect us, the nervous system stimulates the cranial nerve, in the brain and this sends signals to the neurotransmitters to the tear glands. Thus, we cry .The largest tear gland, the lacrimal gland produces the tears of emotion and reflex. Many believe that the body, in times of emotional stress, depends on this gland to release excess amounts of chemicals and hormones, returning it to a stable state." I can't stop thinking about the connection between tears and hormones. I love the fact that tears are supposed to calm you down when you get all worked up. This reminds me of Psalm 56:8, "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." When I was in high school, I would sing a song with those lines. I loved that song. I love to know that God cares about my sorrows. He doesn't tell me to shut up or that I'm stupid. He listens and I know that He is working on my behalf.... even if I'm selfish... even if I can't see the forest for the trees. What a good God!
Then on my way home tonight, I was listening to the radio and "Sunday Bloody Sunday" came on. I can't separate that song from my youth. When I touched your shoe at the Elevation tour, it was one of the highlights of my life. Yes it was. And the morning after the concert I woke up singing Sunday Bloody Sunday from my sleep. Oh yes, I did. So tonight I heard you singing your guts out and I got emotional. And all I could think on the freeway drive home was, "Oh, God, please don't let Bono die. I will be so sad when he dies. I don't want to outlive that beautiful voice." The next thing I knew, I was totally sobbing, "I don't want Bono to diiiieeee!!" It was maybe one of the most crazy moments of my life. And tears are flowing off my face. Suddenly I'm reminded that tears are weird. I don't know why they flow. I need to look it up when I get home. I need to write to you, Bono and tell you all about my hope that you outlive me. I hope you go to heaven so I can listen to you forever. I'm so glad I touched your shoe. I'm so glad your music touched my heart. And then I was calmed... oddly calm... huffing and puffing at the stoplight down the street from my house. The music started to repeat,
"Wipe the tears from your eyes
Wipe your tears away
Oh, wipe your tears away
Oh, wipe your tears away.
I wipe your tears away.
I wipe your bloodshot eyes."
So I wiped the tears away. And I laughed a little bit about my outburst over your impending mortality. I will always love your music. And Sunday Bloody Sunday will always bring hormones pouring out my eyes. Bono, don't die.
And in case you want to listen right now....
