This Sunday, my pastor told a story about Henry Kissinger. The story is summarized here (I found it online here http://theleaderslocker.com/2011/07/08/is-that-the-best-you-can-do/)
Lord was preparing a speech for Kissinger and delivered a draft. Kissinger called him in the next day and simply said, “Is that the best you can do?” Lord said, “I thought so, but I’ll try again.” He returned a draft to Kissinger, only to be called back again and asked the same question, “Is that the best you can do?” This back and forth continued several times until Lord, who was exasperated and exhausted, finally said, “Yes! I know it’s the best I can do. I can’t possibly improve one more word.” Kissinger then replied, “In that case, now I will read it.”I say that because today the Holy Spirit has helped me to see a little more clearly that I can surely live the Christian life better than I have been. I think I always know that, but I rarely see exactly what it is that I can do better WHILE I have the gumption to actually try.
So this is how it went:
My boss and I were talking about someone who I feel has not acted in full repentance. It is hard for me to see how we can be fully restored and "knit together in love" since this particular breach has never been fully reconciled. This has been a very difficult concept for me to wrap my mind around the last few years. Reconciliation seems so necessary to live the Christian life. How do we go about our business being unreconciled?!? I can't fathom. We just act like nothing ever happened and move on- maybe that's how it goes with family or very close loved ones, but with people on the outer levels?
Ok, on another note, I have been really bummed lately. I've been tired and worried... concerned about money and my future and really wrapped up in questions without answers. So many things make me sad. I feel lonely and unthankful and then catch myself and try to dig myself out of my self-pity. It's so dumb. I know it's dumb. But I keep doing it.
So these two things collide... by the power of the Holy Spirit! Ah! God is so good! It's so exciting to see Him work.
I'm thinking and thinking about this unreconciled person and the misery it causes to my heart...and I realize that it is not out of maliciousness that they remain unreconciled- it's out of ignorance. In fact, this person's life can be characterized by sheer ignorance to how a Christian should act. I think it's due to the lack of solid teaching in Kauai in general.
Suddenly, as I'm processing this, I was just really convicted about my own life. What is my role with this person? What can I do? What CAN I do?!? Rise above it... but I want to be more proactive. People need to be taught here. I have a really solid foundation under me. I have a good sense for what is Christlike and what is not because of years of training and being around older godly women. What can I bring to this community? I've been dragging my feet about women's ministry because I'm the youngest, single woman at my church. But how can I love young women in Kauai who are simply ignorant about reasonable Christian choices? It's not like I make the best choices all the time myself, but I have a better track record than what I've witnessed here.
What's next? I know I can do better. I've been whining and complaining- whether verbally or in my heart at least- about my situation here. At the very LEAST I can choose not to be weighed down by things I have no control over. These things shouldn't steal my joy. This is a faith issue on my part and results in worry vs. freedom to TRUST in God and His provision and His direction. I think I need to work on my own role... continue studying and clinging to the WORD more and more so that I can have the right perspective when I see a fellow believer who is not acting in a Christlike way. I want to treat them with compassion and love instead of being shocked or offended. I think that there is definitely a way I could be MORE useful and fruitful. I could help shape someone's understanding of Christ and the Bible instead of being put out by them. Teaching adults is not something I'm good at. I teach little children. I need to learn how to be more useful with the knowledge that I have. More loving with the love that has been shed in my life. More purposeful. More prayerful. More thoughtful. I need to read more. I need to take quiet time more.
Ultimately, I need more discipline. This is always my weakness. Discipline to TRUST and PRAY. Discipline to curb my thoughts. Discipline to do better. I can do better. With God's grace and with the enabling of the Holy Spirit, I can make a difference in my community. I can shine a light.
I keep trying to find a life On my own, apart from You I am the king of excuses I've got one for every selfish thing I do What's going on inside of me? I despise my own behavior This only serves to confirm my suspicions That I'm still a man in need of a savior I wanna be in the light As You are in the light I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens Oh, Lord be my light and be my salvation Cause all I want is to be in the light The disease of self runs through my blood It's a cancer fatal to my soul Every attempt on my behalf has failed To bring this sickness under control Tell me, what's going on inside of me? I despise my own behavior This only serves to confirm my suspicions That I'm still a man in need of a savior Honesty becomes me [there's nothing left to lose] The secrets that did run me [in your presence are defused] Pride has no position [and riches have no worth] The fame that once did cover me [has been sentenced to this earth] [there's no other place that I want to be] [no other place that I can see] [a place to be that's just right for me] [someday I'm gonna be in the light] [You are in the light] [that's where I need to be] [that's right where I need to be]
